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Begging Me

Updated: Mar 7, 2020

What is this need for attention I feel, why does it control me? how can I overcome it? please don't tell me that I'm in need of a community. I don't want anyone. I just want my self. those are the lies I'm stuck with.

If this is true, how can I satisfy this need without begging others for attention? The fact is I care just as much as you about what they think. I wish I didn't, but I have to rely on others. I'm as they say touch starved. Only my family touches me lovingly, and not nearly enough if I might add. If I were to ask any of my friends for a hug or just to hold my hand, I think they would look down on me. I don't want a sexual relationship. I just want more loving relationships than just my family. I'm an outcast to my family, my friends, and my church.

My family and I can't have a like-minded discussion which also contributes to my need for attention. The only thing we talk about is what is happening at the moment, what we are doing next, and how much we love each other. This isn't enough human interaction to satisfy my need for others. Maybe my writing is me pleading for attention, but it helps me feel my emotions and thought out to know what is happening in my head.

Most of you reading this have no clue how powerful and intricate the mind is. I've found that I'm always chasing my ego, to make sure he's not getting me in trouble. The more I get to know him the more I start to understand him. I wish I could tell him that I love him, and he doesn't need the attention of others, because he has my undivided attention. His animal instinct tells him he needs a high standing in the pack. These are just social constructs, in reality, He doesn't need to always run from me, he doesn't have to fear me, I'm here for him and no one else, but I can't hold my on hand.

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